Rusty the Pirate sailed the Caribbean Sea

Looking to rape and pillage and do as he pleased

Then he spotted an Island that was not on his chart

And he sailed quickly to it straight as a dart

 

Rusty ran his ship right up onto the sand

His crew waving their swords as they stormed the land

But Rusty was defeated before he even began

And not by an army, a soldier or a man

 

Sitting on the beach reading a leather-bound book

Was a beautiful lady who Rusty fell for with one look

She had curly hair and a figure long and lean

Her eyes where quite humorous not at all mean

 

Rusty thought this gal is no ordinary lass

I can’t just walk up to her and slap that nice ass

He dropped his sword and sent the crew far away

For the first time ever he didn’t know what to say

 

The Pirate went away to wash and was feeling real weird

He put a new feather in his hat and even braided his beard

With his boots freshly shined and his breath smelling of mint

He strolled by the lady and started dropping hints

 

Rusty winked and he flexed and he looked her up and down

He did everything to catch her eye but he looked quite the clown

Finally she put down her book and laughed a laughed that was sweet

She said, “Is this your odd way of saying you’d like to meet?”

 

Rusty blushed and said, “Hi” then offered to shake hands

This pretty little lady made him more boy than a man

The gal starting talking like they had been friends all their life

And the next thing you know they had hung out all night

 

The next day Rusty came back and spent the day with his friend

The built sand castles and laughed until the day had to end

Rusty had never known that a lady could make him feel this way

He vowed to himself to change and be with her every single day

 

The Pirate dug through his treasure and found the biggest diamond he had

He offered it to the lady but got an answer that made him sad

She said, “Rusty, we have fun and are friends – all of that’s true

But I have to be honest, I just don’t love you.”

 

“You’re a pirate, you break the law and you drive a stolen ship

I think you are nice, you make me laugh and you are kind of hip

I’m afraid, however, you just aren’t the marrying kind

I want to believe you would change but I’m just not that blind.”

 

Rusty’s heart broke right there on the beach but he took it like a man.

He gave his lady a hug then trudged off across the sand.

He looked back one time but the lady was reading her book

He stared for a minute but she didn’t give him one final look

 

He boarded his ship and shouted at his crew to set sail

“Go east, west or north or we can sail straight for hell.”

Rusty stood at the wheel and watched the sun disappear.

He said goodbye to his love but she didn’t hear.

 

Rusty gave up the helm and went off to his room

Laid down on the bed, opened the window and stared at the moon

He cursed and asked God, “What the bad word’s wrong with me?”

But God didn’t answer all he heard was the sea.

 

Then for the first and last time Rusty sat there and cried

And he swore not to love again from now until he died

I’ll just sail the world raising hell in my pirate boat

With ten barrels of rum and good Peruvian coke

 

He opened his door and shouted out at his crew

Told them to sharpen their swords and gave other orders to do

Tomorrow we pillage and we rape and we steal and we rob

We be pirates, by God!  That’s our mother bad word job!

 

Rusty climbed back in bed feeling like his old self

He drank a few shots from a bottle on the shelf

He thought of his adventures and all the treasure he took

But his very last thought was of the lady with the book

 

Our favorite pirate terrorized the world for many more years

The ladies all loved him everybody else they felt fear

And although Rusty often would laugh and make jokes

He was never the same after the day his heart broke

Russell Yale

 

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